Monday, December 1, 2008


I woke up this morning and immediately looked out the window behind our bed, viewing the outside world upside down. The sky was that dark egg color that always makes me think that it looks like snow weather and right at that moment when the thought was working it's way through my still sleepy mind I saw that there was actually snow falling. I flipped myself over to see our yard right side up, a lightly dusted world, still and quiet and cold.

Jeff and I are both having a hard time accepting that it is already December. We've been busy with birthdays and getting with our families for Thanksgiving and errands and groceries and raising children and being alive that we didn't really get to stop and smell the roses (the fallen leaves? What is the proper analogy here?) in November. The down times were spent sick, runny-nosed and sore-throated. Last month was mostly happy moments, peppered with bad news and small plagues. Now it is the time to immerse ourselves in trying to find perfect gifts for everyone, personal yet inexpensive, decorate like eager children, drink egg nog and eat cookies and complain about waistbands getting tighter all while trying to remember the true meaning of the season.

It's already exhausting me.

So, lately. Faith and James both have an aversion to sleeping all night in their own beds. I have grown so accustomed to James waking up every night, because the child still doesn't sleep all night without waking up, that I somehow sleepwalk into his room every night and just bring him back to bed with me. He sleeps fabulous tucked into my side. Faith is now waking up every night and shuffling her way back to our room also, climbing up the trunk at the foot of the bed and making her way to my other side falling back asleep with her head on my shoulder. Now is where I am supposed to say complaints and frustrations, but honestly? It's sweet. Not always comfortable, that's for sure, but I wake up every morning with a smile on my face, no exaggeration. I do feel a sort of failure on my part as a parent, I know that I should be encouraging them to sleep in their own beds but I suppose that I am rather lazy.

It's also that I somehow feel that there isn't so much time to keep up with our little indulgences. December is supposed to be that last month of free time and living it up (ha!) as a stay-at-home mom before I am to dig in my heels and be aggressive in looking for a job. Although who is to say that when that time comes that there will be any jobs up here in the middle of nowhere, it very well could be like it was before. Once again I am at this impasse, not knowing what to hope for, what to dread, so instead I shall just enjoy this carefree month for what it is.


Jen said...

Confession: I am so confused about why the world looks upside down from your bed...I'm just going to blame it on the lack of sleep, not on my innate blondness.

Also, Evan sleeps in our bed and Ethan wanders in occasionally, and I love it, too! The contortions, not so much, but I love to see their faces light up when they open their eyes and see me.

Uggh...job search, financial woes- yes indeed we are living parallel lives. God bless!

Jenny said...

Okay, I see how that can be confusing, like my bed is some magical portal or something. The window is behind the head of the bed and I sleep on my back so when I wake up and look up and sort of behind me I see out the window upside down. See?

Jen said...

Aha. And now I feel so much closer to you. :)