Saturday, August 20, 2011

Bad Start


So, I've started a new semester in nursing school and I've had several orientations that all last several hours long and SAY they are going to go over this and that, but really just spend the whole day talking about how difficult this next year is going to be. At times, I wondered if they were using some sort of reverse psychology to inspire us or something, but it just kept getting more depressing and then there were even moments where they told us to "Get more responsible" and we haven't even had the chance to be IRRESPONSIBLE yet. It was sort of depressing and not nearly as exciting as the blindly happy and optimistic orientations the first year had been.

I'm starting clinicals in Atlanta and I live in north Georgia. That means a whole bunch of driving. Which is distressing for many reasons, but the most for me is the whole getting lost thing. Because I do. Get lost that is. Often. Even with GPS. There is no hope for my cause, I have just learned to live with it and mostly it is never a problem, except when you have to be in Atlanta at 6:30 in the morning and you live about 65 miles away.

Yesterday, I woke up at 4:00, drank some coffee, put on a wee bit of makeup and left with plenty of time for traffic (which doesn't really exist that early, who knew?) and getting lost time. I didn't get (very) lost on the way to the first location and all was good and well. Yay, I thought to myself, my troubles are over. But no. Then they announced that we were to go to another location in Atlanta and it only took 20 minutes to get there and we were to have lunch on the way and had an hour before we were to arrive. We would have to wait on everyone to get there to begin, so if we are the last one to show up then everyone will be waiting and angry and watching that person.

That was all that was needed to get my anxiety into full swing. Not only do I have direction anxiety, but I HATE being the last person to walk into the room and everyone look at me. Ugh. I feel chills now just thinking about it.

So, I thought, alright, all is well. I have the address, I will put it in GPS, I have a whole hour to get there. All will be fine.

I started walking towards the lobby and got confused already. Where did I park? Oh, I will follow the other students. Then I hear them saying that they parked in the visitors parking and I had parked in the staff parking. So I walked back trying to find a friendly face to walk out with and there was no one to be found. To make an entirely too long story shorter, suffice to say that I spent half an hour in a creepy parking deck looking for my car. That is not an exaggeration. I was on the wrong parking deck for 20 minutes before I found the scary looking tunnel that looked like it went to a dungeon that actually led to staff parking. Then I spent another ten minutes walking around frantically clicking the button on my key ring hoping to see my lights flicker.

By the time I found the car, I was literally sweating in my "professional attire" with my white lab coat. I tried to plug the address into GPS only for it to tell me that it didn't exist. I started to feel real tears threaten my eyeballs. Only half an hour! AND I had to catch a shuttle to the hospital from the new parking deck? I started driving around Atlanta getting mixed up before my phone argued with my GPS and offered the suggestion that perhaps the address was actually Decatur instead of Atlanta? So while I tried to plug the new information in I almost ran a red light and got killed. But I didn't. I'm still alive.

I got to the new parking deck and saw a bus start to head off so I ran uphill, in my "professional attire" with my damn white coat flapping in the breeze, in the middle of the damn day, in the Atlanta (Decatur) heat, to catch this bus and the driver opens up the door and I ask if it is shutting to the hospital and NO it is not and then I hear my name called and turn around and there are 25 other students sitting in a cool, glassed in room, watching me make a red-faced sweaty fool of myself.

So everyone ended up looking at me anyway. The end.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Summer Essay

What I have done on my summer vacation
by Jenny

I started off the summer going full blast, taking care of my lawn, buying flowers and even planting some of them, and then just shoving the dead ones out of the way. I got some sun and am now a "deep ivory" with tons of freckles, so I'm the darkest I've ever been. I am still pale, however, but less zombie colored. Jeff gave me a new chore, which is mowing the grass, and I have killed the lawnmower. I've kept the house clean, though.

I'm glad Jeff doesn't read this, because he may or may not agree with that last statement.

I took a statistics class, which was three and a half hours long in a sad little classroom at the college, which was depressing, but I got an A for my efforts. Then I took an online Spanish class, which was much more difficult than I anticipated. I got an A in there too, but I'm still not quite sure how. My fall semester starts back in less than two weeks, and I am (not) looking forward to it.

I spent some time in Savannah and the local beach, Tybee Island, and it was so much fun. The kids loved the sand and the water and it was the best two weeks of the summer. I woke up at six in the morning, drank a bottle of water, donned my shoes (and other appropriate wear, I assure you) and went running on the beach at sunrise. This is amazing to me still, because it is exactly the type of thing that I often dreamily state that I would like to do one day, but then I most certainly never do. On my first morning there, however, I was up early due to sleeping bad and I thought "why not?" and so I did and it was such an experience that I had to do it again, and again. Then I had that good trembly feeling in my legs and the inner feeling that I had already accomplished something so early in my day. Then it let me eat a lot without feeling too guilty about it.

The kids and I did crafts and strung beads, and now my house is littered with all sorts of bracelets and zipper pulls and keychains . . . and I can't throw them away. We made them! We must keep them!

Faith started swimming! Yes, it is true, which is an amazing feat in itself especially since at the beginning of the summer she had meltdowns of epic proportion, clinging to our necks, screaming in our ears, terrified of the water. One day I was in the pool alone with her and James, and was letting her rest her belly on my hand and held her arms length away from me and told her that I was going to let go, and would she swim to me? And she said yes, and then she did. I then whooped and hollered and smothered her with kisses. I was proud that she swam, of course, but more proud that she just went for it and that she trusted me. The next day she swam around the shallow end without her floaties, the day after that she swam with her face in the water. Another milestone, reached.

James has had no such luck, but he still swings wildly from a sweet boy with the most charming smile to an awful little demon who laughs when I lose my mind. I was debating putting him in daycare this fall to let him be around other people besides his family and warm him up to pre-school next fall, but we just don't have the money. All will be well with James, I predict. I just need to keep working to figure out how to discipline him in the most effective way. He is still the most snuggly thing in the world, and he's often my alarm clock in the mornings. He's an early riser, and he likes to come into my bedroom and scoot in beside me and hold my face so that when I open my eyes I'm looking into his blue, smiling ones. It's so sweet that I can't even be mad when he wakes me from my sons of anarchy seduction dreams.

Speaking of sons of anarchy, I am watching as much television as one can do, since I know that my fall time will be filled with school and children and not much else. Since mad men has come on netflix I haven't been doing much else and the kids say "Again?" when they hear the intro music. I can't help myself, kids!

Jeff has spent all summer working, and now is working 7 days a week, truly. That is sucktastic in so many ways. I keep reminding myself, it is all for something, it won't always be this way. That helps sometimes, other times I just want to shut myself up. We did go on an awesome date in Tybee that was like an epic food/drink crawl, followed up by a walk on the beach and then the pier. Jeff lost his sunglasses, and I kept marveling at how young everyone else is which means that I myself am aging, but I was more amused than sad, so it was an excellent date.

I haven't made it to church that much, which is awful and made more the awful that I think everyone else is thinking it is awful. Our pastor left for another church in another state and I really liked him. He was young, I liked his wife and his little family, he seemed on fire for what he was saying, and I always felt that the sermon that he preached was just what I needed to hear that day. So now, boo, I'm being a baby I guess. And feeling guilty for it.

Other times this summer I would think that I needed to blog and record some of these memories going down here, but I just didn't get to it. Lazy fingers.

What else? Let's see, food, television, lazy, school, kids, books . . . I think that just about covers everything.

For the next week and a half, I'm going to get my mad men on, eat some good comfort food, and relish in the lounging around because when my fall semester starts it's going to be No Joke.