Ever since I quit work and stayed at home to be a stay at home parent my inner mind clock sputters and stops. I often lose track of days, my sleep schedule hasn’t been normal in years and usually the only way I can stay on track is by trying to follow Jeff’s schedule. This past week he began a new one however, and it is totally screwing with me. He works three days on, then a day off, then three more days on and then a week off. The past week was his off week and it has been completely strange, but good, to have him here with us day after day. We stayed busy and much has happened and I don’t even know if I should try to bother putting it all down in words. There have been trips to the emergency room, trips to Target, arrests, home projects on OTHER people’s homes, and I made a huge amount of salsa today. I am aware that my story telling and explaining lacks quite a lot, but all is well with everyone, it’s just been another week living close to many family members.
Today was the first cool day that we’ve experienced, sort of strange in an overcast way, never quite raining but making you feel like you need to stay inside. I didn’t though, I walked outside as much as I could today and felt like I could spend hours outside. I tried to absorb as much of that expectant autumn feeling as I could, with just my thoughts and myself.
Every year at this time I have that feeling that something is right around the corner. Last year the upcoming fall meant the birth of James. The year before that we were selling our house and moving across the state, the year before that was the autumn when Faith was born. However, this year doesn’t seem to hold anything big or important just ahead and that’s what makes this year feel odd and makes me feel like I’m ill equipped for the task at hand. I’m not quite sure what I’ve been expecting but knowing that it’s not going to come feels lonely and a bit sad.
I sound a little too melancholy for my own good.
On a lighter note, Faith has informed us that zebras do NOT make the neigh sound that horses make but instead they make “ZEE ZEE” sounds. Jeff and I found that fairly awesome. James continues to be impossibly needy and poops way more than any child should.