I was having one of my many recent gossip and catch-up talk sessions with my cousin-in-law, Angie, when I mentioned casually how we somehow managed to get through the entire winter without getting sick. At all. I mean, with two small children and two adults working that's like impossible right? We did it though!
Yeah. You know where this is going.
It started on Monday with a sore throat. Then I felt like my brain was exploding, or imploding, or something equally as disastrous. “Me and my big mouth,” I thought, “bragging about how insanely well we are all the time.”
I put off going to the doctor thinking it was just a cold, refrained from kissing the kids which is unthinkable and unbearably hard, and generally just suffered for the next few days until today when I sucked it up and went the doctor. Then I was told that I had a respiratory infection, sinus infection, AND an ear infection. On top of all of that Jeff has been on night shift so I've been doing this parenting thing all by myself and I feel like I deserve some sort of medal, or award in my name, or a pedicure, or maybe just a free go at cadbury eggs and some nachos.
:::
The kids have actually not been too bad, and I'm mostly just thankful that they haven't caught The Sickness. Jeff and I are going away in a week and we'll be gone from the kids for the longest amount of time since, um, birthing them, and I'm sort of doing that half gleeful/half sorrowful thing. It will be WONDERFUL to eat out without them, without rushing home to get them before it gets too late, to sleep through entire nights without waking up to random cries, or a little body scurrying in beside me and kicking me unintentionally in the gut. At the same time, I am already worrying about someone else keeping my kids, what happens if Jeff and I die in a car crash, who will raise our kids, will they use our life insurance wisely, what happens if the next caregivers die, who will THEY leave the kids too, and other happy thoughts that roam wildly through my head at night.
I need to get some decent sleep tonight.
:::
These days of trying to make the most of my time with the kids, but being sick and trying to keep my distance is just not do-able. The other night, while Jeff was gone, both kids ended up in bed with me and their little warm bodies were a comfort to me. Faith pats my head when I lay down during the day. James, well, there's nothing sweet that he does. He's had a little burst of language advancement so he'll yell “Mo! Mo! Mo!” while he throws his cup at my head. He does have an awful sweet smile though. That counts for a lot.
So off I go, swallowing antibiotics and Tylenol pm and hopefully dreaming something pleasant without a middle of the night shrieking to end it all too abruptly.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Rejection and Dresses
“Hello, Jennifer?”
“Yes?” I replied, barely able to contain my excitement.
“While it was very nice meeting you, we decided to go with another candidate. It was a very hard decision, but she had just a little more experience. I'm sorry. I'd love to keep your resume in case we have something else open up, though,” she told me. I swallowed, and managed to croak out that I would appreciate that and thanks for her time.
********
I had managed two rounds of interviews, met the board of directors for this company, got my hair cut for it all for goodness sake. All for nothing. I wish now that I hadn't even heard of the job, it was perfect hours, perfect location, more than perfect pay and for an organization that I would have truly loved working for. Now when I peek back at the classifieds the only things that are open seem to be greasy little holes in the wall who pay their administration hardly anything. I just sigh and wearily close my browser window. Don't really feel like looking now.
********
An hour later I put James into one of Faith's dresses and it seemed to make the whole day better. So there's the upside! He's a very pretty boy and it went perfectly with his way-too-long curls. I, of course, took pictures.
“Yes?” I replied, barely able to contain my excitement.
“While it was very nice meeting you, we decided to go with another candidate. It was a very hard decision, but she had just a little more experience. I'm sorry. I'd love to keep your resume in case we have something else open up, though,” she told me. I swallowed, and managed to croak out that I would appreciate that and thanks for her time.
********
I had managed two rounds of interviews, met the board of directors for this company, got my hair cut for it all for goodness sake. All for nothing. I wish now that I hadn't even heard of the job, it was perfect hours, perfect location, more than perfect pay and for an organization that I would have truly loved working for. Now when I peek back at the classifieds the only things that are open seem to be greasy little holes in the wall who pay their administration hardly anything. I just sigh and wearily close my browser window. Don't really feel like looking now.
********
An hour later I put James into one of Faith's dresses and it seemed to make the whole day better. So there's the upside! He's a very pretty boy and it went perfectly with his way-too-long curls. I, of course, took pictures.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I suppose that I WOULD jump off a bridge if everyone else did
Twenty-five things about yours truly:
1. I named my daughter after my grandmother, who I was very close to. I knew that I would long before I even contemplated becoming pregnant. James is named after his-great-grandfather. So, Faith is named for my mother’s mother and James is named for Jeff’s father’s father. We didn’t really set out to do that.
2. I once was attacked by a cougar. Another time I was on the back of a runaway horse. Both of these things happened at summer camp.
3. Whenever I see a green and grassy hill I have the very strong urge to roll down it.
4. I’ve always thought that it was my calling to become a mother, and now that I have children I feel even more strongly so.
5. I WILL write a book someday.
6. I have very ugly toes and very pretty teeth.
7. I am not a good driver. I used to be terrible (my friend nicknamed my car “the bashing mobile of terror”), but I’ve improved to Not Good.
8. Also, not so good at directions. I have gotten lost coming home from work, from a job I had been at for years. Also got lost while using my mother-in-law’s GPS. I’m special like that.
9. If I believed in psychic abilities I would say that my mother, sister, and I all have a touch of it. But I don’t.
10. I know that things happen for a reason; I know there is purpose to certain things – sometimes I just wish I knew the answers.
11. I have a passion for books. My ultimate vacation would be warm sand on my (ugly) toes, quietly roaring surf, and a deliciously good book in my hands. OR! In a cozy sweater, curled in a giant chair by a fire in a mountain cottage with a book. Either one.
12. I’ve heard that time heals all. I don’t think I believe that. Yet.
13. I have an incredible faith in God that grows every day. It has given me a peace that I can’t describe, one that I’m not sure I could function without.
14. I knew my friend Tracy would be one of my best friends for life when she told me that she too loved Anne of Green Gables.
15. I’ve had wild times and I’ve had mild times. I prefer the mild.
16. I make delicious salsa.
17. I’m fairly smart. Okay, I’m being modest. I’m very smart.
18. And sometimes a little too proud.
19. I used to dye my hair red, then blonde, then red, then blonde. I’ve given it up for my natural hair color of kind-of boring brown. I like it a lot better than I thought I would.
20. I know that every mother thinks this, but my children are the most beautiful and brightest kids I’ve ever known. And VERY funny.
21. My life has a soundtrack.
22. If home is where the heart is, then my heart is still in Dallas, Georgia.
23. There are so many places that I want to travel to, but never enough time or money. So I plan on taking major trips in about ten years.
24. The song I always sang to my babies when I rocked them was Clementine. If I was all “Clementined” out then I would sing bah bah black sheep for Faith and row row your boat for James.
25. I’m incredibly optimistic. Despite moments of being very sad, and a lot of those moments being strung along in a row, I know that I have much to be thankful of – my children, my parents, my sisters, my friends - life is AWFUL good!
1. I named my daughter after my grandmother, who I was very close to. I knew that I would long before I even contemplated becoming pregnant. James is named after his-great-grandfather. So, Faith is named for my mother’s mother and James is named for Jeff’s father’s father. We didn’t really set out to do that.
2. I once was attacked by a cougar. Another time I was on the back of a runaway horse. Both of these things happened at summer camp.
3. Whenever I see a green and grassy hill I have the very strong urge to roll down it.
4. I’ve always thought that it was my calling to become a mother, and now that I have children I feel even more strongly so.
5. I WILL write a book someday.
6. I have very ugly toes and very pretty teeth.
7. I am not a good driver. I used to be terrible (my friend nicknamed my car “the bashing mobile of terror”), but I’ve improved to Not Good.
8. Also, not so good at directions. I have gotten lost coming home from work, from a job I had been at for years. Also got lost while using my mother-in-law’s GPS. I’m special like that.
9. If I believed in psychic abilities I would say that my mother, sister, and I all have a touch of it. But I don’t.
10. I know that things happen for a reason; I know there is purpose to certain things – sometimes I just wish I knew the answers.
11. I have a passion for books. My ultimate vacation would be warm sand on my (ugly) toes, quietly roaring surf, and a deliciously good book in my hands. OR! In a cozy sweater, curled in a giant chair by a fire in a mountain cottage with a book. Either one.
12. I’ve heard that time heals all. I don’t think I believe that. Yet.
13. I have an incredible faith in God that grows every day. It has given me a peace that I can’t describe, one that I’m not sure I could function without.
14. I knew my friend Tracy would be one of my best friends for life when she told me that she too loved Anne of Green Gables.
15. I’ve had wild times and I’ve had mild times. I prefer the mild.
16. I make delicious salsa.
17. I’m fairly smart. Okay, I’m being modest. I’m very smart.
18. And sometimes a little too proud.
19. I used to dye my hair red, then blonde, then red, then blonde. I’ve given it up for my natural hair color of kind-of boring brown. I like it a lot better than I thought I would.
20. I know that every mother thinks this, but my children are the most beautiful and brightest kids I’ve ever known. And VERY funny.
21. My life has a soundtrack.
22. If home is where the heart is, then my heart is still in Dallas, Georgia.
23. There are so many places that I want to travel to, but never enough time or money. So I plan on taking major trips in about ten years.
24. The song I always sang to my babies when I rocked them was Clementine. If I was all “Clementined” out then I would sing bah bah black sheep for Faith and row row your boat for James.
25. I’m incredibly optimistic. Despite moments of being very sad, and a lot of those moments being strung along in a row, I know that I have much to be thankful of – my children, my parents, my sisters, my friends - life is AWFUL good!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thinking
Sometimes I think about a third child. I think about the tender fragility of a tiny body secure in my arms. I think about how newborns do that funny, wobbly, rooting thing that always makes me smile. Or that moment when you see the second pink line and you realize that your whole life has just changed. The preparations, carefully washing and folding small cotton pajamas and cozy socks and placing them carefully in cleaned drawers. I think about that fluttering feeling that turns into solid, fluid stirrings in the belly, and how that always used to make me smile, like I knew something about this new baby that no one else did. I think about the anticipation of birth, meeting a son or daughter for the first time, those sleepless but amazing first weeks . . .
Then there are nights like last night. Jeff was at work, and both kids ended up in bed with me before too long, Faith asleep and pressed up to my right side, James, warm and quiet, pushed up to my left. In my king sized bed I had no room to turn over and I thought how would there be enough of me to go around for a new baby?
Then there are nights like last night. Jeff was at work, and both kids ended up in bed with me before too long, Faith asleep and pressed up to my right side, James, warm and quiet, pushed up to my left. In my king sized bed I had no room to turn over and I thought how would there be enough of me to go around for a new baby?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
M.I.A.
I have been ignoring ye olde blog as of late. Right now I have two small, but loud, reasons why who happen to be climbing on my lap. So! How about a couple of pictures.
Faith, helping with muffins, in the blue morning light.
James, up close and personal.
I shall write again soon and tell of the new (!) house which is far from finished, or my new job, or how I am eating healthy again and always hungry, or some other facet of my fascinating life. Ah, how I love the sarcasm.
Faith, helping with muffins, in the blue morning light.
James, up close and personal.
I shall write again soon and tell of the new (!) house which is far from finished, or my new job, or how I am eating healthy again and always hungry, or some other facet of my fascinating life. Ah, how I love the sarcasm.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Adjusting
Jeff’s work schedule is somewhat strange and since the kids and I usually have no sort of routine of our own we often fall into Jeff’s on/off shifts and I have to stop and think about what day it is, when we should be sleeping, and other things that are completely not normal.
This week he has started working nights and I now have TWO part time jobs so I’m sure that the next few weeks will be a confusing blur of wake/sleep home/away questioning who has the children sort of mess that I can only hope will go smoothly.
We should be closing on the house any day now and the appraisal came back $90,000 OVER what we are getting it for, so to say that I am thrilled is an extreme understatement. Faith tells me that she wants to paint her room black, which makes me think I have a mini-goth in my midst. She also tells me that she doesn’t know how to play all by herself, she doesn’t know how to go potty all by herself, she doesn’t know how to sleep, eat, etc. all by herself, making me be her constant companion all day. When I get tough (ha!) and tell her she has to do whatever it is by herself she looks at me with big, round, blue eyes and tells me that it will make her sad. Which makes ME sad that she’s sad (and also a little ashamed that I’m constantly being guilted by a three year old), but also frustrated that I can’t have all the time in the world to just sit and play with her.
There is simply too much to do these days, but it’s a glorious sort of busy. It’s wonderful to have a life that calls for hair that is styled and makeup applied, instead of too-long hair and paper thin t-shirts with faded script. It’s nice to have somewhere that I have to be, a place I have to leave home behind for, if just for a few short hours. It’s nice to just be Jenny again for a little while, and not constantly “mommy”. Even writing that, though, makes me wonder if I’ll ever be able to separate the two, if I’ll be able to be gone without thinking constantly about the kids and how they are doing, what they are doing.
Here I go. Hooray and ouch at the same time.
This week he has started working nights and I now have TWO part time jobs so I’m sure that the next few weeks will be a confusing blur of wake/sleep home/away questioning who has the children sort of mess that I can only hope will go smoothly.
We should be closing on the house any day now and the appraisal came back $90,000 OVER what we are getting it for, so to say that I am thrilled is an extreme understatement. Faith tells me that she wants to paint her room black, which makes me think I have a mini-goth in my midst. She also tells me that she doesn’t know how to play all by herself, she doesn’t know how to go potty all by herself, she doesn’t know how to sleep, eat, etc. all by herself, making me be her constant companion all day. When I get tough (ha!) and tell her she has to do whatever it is by herself she looks at me with big, round, blue eyes and tells me that it will make her sad. Which makes ME sad that she’s sad (and also a little ashamed that I’m constantly being guilted by a three year old), but also frustrated that I can’t have all the time in the world to just sit and play with her.
There is simply too much to do these days, but it’s a glorious sort of busy. It’s wonderful to have a life that calls for hair that is styled and makeup applied, instead of too-long hair and paper thin t-shirts with faded script. It’s nice to have somewhere that I have to be, a place I have to leave home behind for, if just for a few short hours. It’s nice to just be Jenny again for a little while, and not constantly “mommy”. Even writing that, though, makes me wonder if I’ll ever be able to separate the two, if I’ll be able to be gone without thinking constantly about the kids and how they are doing, what they are doing.
Here I go. Hooray and ouch at the same time.
Friday, January 9, 2009
What's Going On
Where have I been?
Playing Xbox, lego man, obsessively.
Getting back in shape, painfully.
On a new sleep schedule, one that included 1:00 a.m. nachos (see above).
Going on interviews.
Working from home, with children in the background. This is impossible, by the way.
Making phone calls to lenders and realtors while managing to remain in the dark.
Staying close to family, listening.
Playing barbies, ponies, and pets.
Nursing bruises and booboos.
Reading every chance I can.
Discussing heavy metal.
Laundry.
Dancing in my living room, with the kids, spinning, dipping, and twirling, joyfully.
I feel wonderfully refreshed, somehow washed clean of the melancholy that I’ve been dipped in. I feel powerful, like I can do ANYTHING. Life is amazingly good all of the sudden. Or rather, it always has been and my eyes just opened.
Playing Xbox, lego man, obsessively.
Getting back in shape, painfully.
On a new sleep schedule, one that included 1:00 a.m. nachos (see above).
Going on interviews.
Working from home, with children in the background. This is impossible, by the way.
Making phone calls to lenders and realtors while managing to remain in the dark.
Staying close to family, listening.
Playing barbies, ponies, and pets.
Nursing bruises and booboos.
Reading every chance I can.
Discussing heavy metal.
Laundry.
Dancing in my living room, with the kids, spinning, dipping, and twirling, joyfully.
I feel wonderfully refreshed, somehow washed clean of the melancholy that I’ve been dipped in. I feel powerful, like I can do ANYTHING. Life is amazingly good all of the sudden. Or rather, it always has been and my eyes just opened.
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