I suppose that I WOULD jump off a bridge if everyone else did

Twenty-five things about yours truly:

1. I named my daughter after my grandmother, who I was very close to. I knew that I would long before I even contemplated becoming pregnant. James is named after his-great-grandfather. So, Faith is named for my mother’s mother and James is named for Jeff’s father’s father. We didn’t really set out to do that.

2. I once was attacked by a cougar. Another time I was on the back of a runaway horse. Both of these things happened at summer camp.

3. Whenever I see a green and grassy hill I have the very strong urge to roll down it.

4. I’ve always thought that it was my calling to become a mother, and now that I have children I feel even more strongly so.

5. I WILL write a book someday.

6. I have very ugly toes and very pretty teeth.

7. I am not a good driver. I used to be terrible (my friend nicknamed my car “the bashing mobile of terror”), but I’ve improved to Not Good.

8. Also, not so good at directions. I have gotten lost coming home from work, from a job I had been at for years. Also got lost while using my mother-in-law’s GPS. I’m special like that.

9. If I believed in psychic abilities I would say that my mother, sister, and I all have a touch of it. But I don’t.

10. I know that things happen for a reason; I know there is purpose to certain things – sometimes I just wish I knew the answers.

11. I have a passion for books. My ultimate vacation would be warm sand on my (ugly) toes, quietly roaring surf, and a deliciously good book in my hands. OR! In a cozy sweater, curled in a giant chair by a fire in a mountain cottage with a book. Either one.

12. I’ve heard that time heals all. I don’t think I believe that. Yet.

13. I have an incredible faith in God that grows every day. It has given me a peace that I can’t describe, one that I’m not sure I could function without.

14. I knew my friend Tracy would be one of my best friends for life when she told me that she too loved Anne of Green Gables.

15. I’ve had wild times and I’ve had mild times. I prefer the mild.

16. I make delicious salsa.

17. I’m fairly smart. Okay, I’m being modest. I’m very smart.

18. And sometimes a little too proud.

19. I used to dye my hair red, then blonde, then red, then blonde. I’ve given it up for my natural hair color of kind-of boring brown. I like it a lot better than I thought I would.

20. I know that every mother thinks this, but my children are the most beautiful and brightest kids I’ve ever known. And VERY funny.

21. My life has a soundtrack.

22. If home is where the heart is, then my heart is still in Dallas, Georgia.

23. There are so many places that I want to travel to, but never enough time or money. So I plan on taking major trips in about ten years.

24. The song I always sang to my babies when I rocked them was Clementine. If I was all “Clementined” out then I would sing bah bah black sheep for Faith and row row your boat for James.

25. I’m incredibly optimistic. Despite moments of being very sad, and a lot of those moments being strung along in a row, I know that I have much to be thankful of – my children, my parents, my sisters, my friends - life is AWFUL good!

Thinking

Sometimes I think about a third child. I think about the tender fragility of a tiny body secure in my arms. I think about how newborns do that funny, wobbly, rooting thing that always makes me smile. Or that moment when you see the second pink line and you realize that your whole life has just changed. The preparations, carefully washing and folding small cotton pajamas and cozy socks and placing them carefully in cleaned drawers. I think about that fluttering feeling that turns into solid, fluid stirrings in the belly, and how that always used to make me smile, like I knew something about this new baby that no one else did. I think about the anticipation of birth, meeting a son or daughter for the first time, those sleepless but amazing first weeks . . .

Then there are nights like last night. Jeff was at work, and both kids ended up in bed with me before too long, Faith asleep and pressed up to my right side, James, warm and quiet, pushed up to my left. In my king sized bed I had no room to turn over and I thought how would there be enough of me to go around for a new baby?